Go the f*ck to sleep!

or, an interview with Dr. Shelby Harris, author of "The Women's Guide to Overcoming Insomnia"

Raise your hand if you feel well-rested and refreshed most mornings when you wake up!!!

Is your hand down? Mine certainly is.

I’ve always struggled with sleep, but since becoming a mom, I’ve become a lighter sleeper and earlier riser. Most moms don’t get enough sleep—on average, we get 5.7 hours a night (compared to the 7.9 hours dads get 😒). We all know we need more sleep, but actually making it happen can feel impossible. How do you fit in sleep when you’re staying up late to catch up on our inbox and waking up early when the kids bound into your bedroom? To say nothing of the stress and anxiety that keeps us awake at night.

Enter Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM. Shelby is a clinical psychologist—board certified in Behavioral Sleep Medicine—and treats a wide variety of sleep, anxiety and depression issues using evidence-based, non-medication treatments. Shelby holds an academic appointment as Clinical Associate Professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in Neurology and Psychiatry, and is the author of The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia. In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Harris is the Director of Sleep Health for Sleepopolis.com. She can be found on Instagram @SleepDocShelby where she provides evidence-based information about sleep wellness and sleep disorders—and I was thrilled to interview her about this super-important topic.

JW: Can you talk a bit about how pregnancy, postpartum and perimenopause all impact sleep?

SH: In all three instances there are hormonal changes and shifts that happen and can impact sleep. In pregnancy, we see sleep change because of hormones, restless legs for some, heartburn for some, a changing body (discomfort), baby moving, having to use the bathroom more, and also the stress of having a baby (sometimes manifested as vivid dreams). In postpartum, there’s the hormonal changes and discomfort again, but also the disruption from the baby waking every 2 or so hours and moms having light sleep and a busy brain. In perimenopause, there’s the hormonal changes that can lead to restless legs, hot flashes, night sweats, busy brain, anxiety and depression. 

JW: You talk a lot about “sleep stealers”. What are the most common sleep stealers and how can we correct them?

SH: Inconsistent sleep-wake schedules are a big issue. Try not to have more than a swing of an hour to 90 minutes max in the mornings, being as consistent to the same bed/wake times is really helpful. Finding time to wind down before bed is useful, as sleep isn’t an on/off switch. Also, limiting caffeine within 8 hours of bed is helpful. Light exposure during the day is important to help set your body’s circadian rhythm and sleep-wake pattern, as well as dimming the lights and darkness/cool room at night. 

JW: In your book, you talk about how spending less time in bed is one of the keys to better sleep. Tell us what you mean by that?

This is important, especially for those who have insomnia. Those who have this issue are often in bed for more hours than their body is willing to produce for sleep. So spending a bit less time in bed (it’s hard to give exact amounts since it varies on the person), and being consistent with the sleep/wake timing is really helpful for many people to help them fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. 

JW: What are your best tips for sleep while traveling?

SH: For sleep on international flights, I’m a fan of the Timeshifter app (not a paid endorsement!). It helps you figure out when to get light exposure, when to sleep, when to have caffeine and, if you want to use a small dose of it - melatonin. Make sure you limit alcohol and caffeine on the flight and try to make it as comfortable as possible on the plane. Stay hydrated and eat according to the new schedule when you’re on the plane.

In terms of sleeping in a new location, if possible, bring your pillow with you! Not always easy, but it can make a big difference for many. I do it myself! I also ask for a hotel room that’s high up and far away from an elevator to help limit noise, and I also ask the front desk if they have a white noise machine to borrow (they often do!). If not, I bring one with me - they make travel ones and even apps for the phone that are white noise. 

JW: What tips to do have for the chronic worrier whose stresses are interfering with sleep?

SH: I’m a massive fan of meditation. Mindfulness meditation practice DURING THE DAY helps your brain get stronger at letting go of busy thoughts, and the more you practice during the day (even 5 minutes!), your brain will get better at letting go at night and focusing only on your breath.

I’m also a fan of keeping a to-do list to get things out of the brain before bed. I also love a practice called “worry time” where you spend 20 minutes every day (not right at bedtime) writing down everything that you are worried about. At the end of 20 minutes, you stop the practice and move on with the day. Anytime your brain goes to worry again outside of “worry time” practice, just say to yourself ,“not now, during worry time.” And then you allow yourself to worry about it during worry time… just not 24/7. The more you practice worry time daily, the easier it gets to focus the worries into one time, not all the time. 

Lighting Round

Best book you've read lately… Practical Optimism by Sue Varma

Favorite part of your own bedtime routine… My skincare routine!! Feels so relaxing and helps set the stage for sleep for me.

Best piece of advice for working moms… You can’t do it all. Prioritize what must get done the next day, what you’d like to have done by the end of the week/month and what others want you to get done. This helps me to realize things like the dishes can stay in the sink if I can make time for sleep. 

I also encourage people to try and to make sleep a priority for a 2 week trial period. If you give it 2 weeks, you might actually start to see that you do things more efficiently during the day because you’re sleeping more at night.

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