Not today, bruh: Navigating casual sexism in the workplace
Note: I wrote this article a few weeks ago—before the inauguration, Trump’s new executive orders, and Mark Zuckerberg’s “masculine energy” nonsense (barf). I almost didn’t publish this, because it all felt a little too much—but decided to move ahead, with the hope that this article can be a resource to anyone who might be struggling with sexism at work. If that’s you, know that I stand with you in solidarity 💪
I’ll start with a story: years ago, shortly after accepting a university teaching position, a dean offered to put me in touch with another adjunct faculty member who had overlapping interests. I agreed to have coffee with this guy—let’s call him Brian—and we started discussing our work. Despite the fact that I had a Ph.D. and Brian had a masters degree, he started “explaining” our shared field to me in a very basic way. I assured him I was familiar with what he was discussing—but he kept at at, insisting that his “extensive experience” in the field gave him deeper insight (I checked his CV later. He was two years older than me 🙄).
But this was the real cherry on top: Towards the end of our time together, he started telling me about the exciting results of a new study he’d read. Reader, I conducted the f*cking study! It was literally my dissertation. I told him this, but he, nevertheless, proceeded to “mansplain” the main conclusion to me before I finally had enough and said I had to go.
This happened over a decade ago, and I can still feel my blood pressure rising as I type this story. And I’ll bet that each of you has a similar story—and, if you’re like me— probably multiple stories. For many professional women, the workplace can be a battleground where competence is constantly tested and gender biases subtly—and sometimes overtly—creep in.
Many professional women are unsure what to do with this type of behavior since it doesn’t meet the legal definition of sexual harassment and is therefore not “reportable”. However, these seemingly casual instances of sexism can erode a woman’s confidence and hinder her career growth. Recognizing and effectively navigating these dynamics is essential for professional women striving to succeed while preserving their dignity and self-worth.
So, today I want to discuss both proactive strategies and practical advice on how to navigate casual sexism and assert your position without undermining relationships or alienating colleagues.
Why it matters
Mansplaining, interrupting, and taking credit for someone else’s ideas may seem like minor annoyances, but they can have significant long-term impacts on a woman’s career and professional well-being. For starters, these types of comment can:
Undermine credibility: When women are consistently talked over or have their expertise questioned, it undermines our authority and credibility in the workplace. Over time, this can erode confidence and limit career progression.
Reinforce negative stereotypes: Casual sexism reinforces workplace cultures that favor male-dominated viewpoints and behavior, making it harder for women to be heard or promoted into leadership roles.
Exact an emotional and mental toll: Repeatedly dealing with dismissive or condescending behavior can lead to frustration, stress, and even burnout.
Strategies to try
Trust your expertise and speak up
One of the most effective ways to counter this type of behavior is to assert your expertise with confidence. In situations where your knowledge or experience is questioned or undermined, it’s essential to speak up assertively but professionally.
Own your authority: If someone is explaining something you’re well-versed in, don’t hesitate to politely interrupt and clarify that you’re familiar with the topic. For example, you can say, “I’ve actually worked on this before and have a different perspective,” or “Thanks for your input, but I’d like to share my own insights based on my experience.”
Shift the conversation: If the offending party continues, redirect the conversation to a broader group. You might ask, “Does anyone else have thoughts on this?” This tactic makes the discussion more inclusive and diminishes the focus on one individual’s over-explanation.
Validate yourself: Reaffirm your knowledge by using phrases like “I’m confident in my understanding of this,” or “I’m happy to elaborate on the research I’ve done.” This type of language helps to reinforce your expertise without sounding confrontational.
Use humor to defuse the situation
Humor can be a powerful tool when used thoughtfully. It allows you to call out inappropriate behavior without escalating tension or creating awkwardness.
Playfully push back: If a colleague repeats a point you already made, you might respond with a light-hearted comment like, “Ah, I see we’re on the same wavelength! I’m glad my idea resonated!” or “Great minds think alike! I mentioned that approach earlier—love that it’s getting traction!” This approach calls attention to the behavior without creating defensiveness.
Highlight the absurdity: When confronted with a blatantly sexist remark, you can use humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation. For instance, if someone makes a comment like, “You don’t seem like the type to handle tough negotiations,” you could respond with, “You’re right! I’m a lot tougher than I look—guess I’ll have to prove it again!”
Call it out directly—but tactfully
There are moments when being direct is the best course of action. Sometimes, people are unaware of their behavior and need it to be pointed out to change. However, it’s essential to approach these situations with tact to prevent defensiveness and maintain professional relationships.
Use “I” statements: Framing your feedback with “I” statements can make it less accusatory. For example, you can say, “I noticed that you interrupted me earlier. I’d appreciate it if we could all take turns speaking,” or “I feel uncomfortable when jokes like that are made in the workplace.”
Appeal to shared values: If your company prides itself on inclusivity or professionalism, it can be helpful to frame your feedback within those values. You might say, “In our culture of collaboration, it’s important that everyone’s voice is heard.”
Keep it brief and calm: There’s no need to over-explain or justify why certain behavior is inappropriate. A simple, calm statement like “That’s not appropriate” or “I’d appreciate it if we could keep the conversation professional” can be enough to send a clear message.
Build alliances and advocate for change
Dealing with sexism in the workplace shouldn’t be a solo endeavor. Building a network of allies—both men and women—can help create a more supportive environment and address systemic issues. Seek out mentors or sponsors who can advocate for you in meetings and help elevate your voice when you’re not present. A senior colleague who champions your ideas can reduce the chances of being overshadowed or dismissed.
Know when to go to HR
While some situations can be addressed through direct, constructive conversations with the individual involved, others may require formal intervention. If the behavior is persistent, creates a hostile work environment, or escalates beyond casual remarks to outright discrimination or harassment, it's time to document the incidents and engage HR. Remember, HR's role is to ensure a safe, equitable workplace, and reporting such behavior can protect not only yourself but also your colleagues who might be experiencing similar challenges.
Final thoughts
I still get annoyed when I think back to that coffee meeting over a decade ago. It’s a story I know I share with many of you—a reminder of how we’re asked to prove ourselves again and again. But these moments, challenging as they are, have also taught me the power of holding my ground, trusting my expertise, and using humor and confidence to navigate tricky situations.
If you have similar experiences, or additional advice to share, please do so in the comments. In the meantime, here’s to confidence, clarity, and the courage to keep pushing back! 💪
Read
The Isolation of Intensive Parenting (The Atlantic gift link)
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Of the questions suggested, these are my two favorites:
What could make this job or organization more compelling for you in the long run?
What makes you feel depleted or drains you at work, and what can I do to support you?
New York employers must now offer paid medical leave during pregnancy (AP)
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Giving Kids Some Autonomy Has Surprising Results (NYTimes gift link)
Many young adults feel unprepared for the workforce, a concern echoed by employers who cite a lack of key skills like initiative and problem-solving. This article suggests ways to foster agency in schools and at home—through goal-setting, curiosity-driven learning, and supportive guidance—so that student’s are equipped with the resilience and engagement needed to thrive in life and work.
A marriage proposal spoken entirely in office jargon (McSweeney’s)
Good for a laugh 🙃
