Read-Connect-Reflect #24
Read
Forget the crisis. The ‘midlife collision’ is real and affecting a large part of the workforce (Fast Company)
So many of my clients and friends are struggling with the reality of entering the ‘sandwich generation’—taking care of children while also taking care of aging parents (and often working full-time while doing it). I appreciated this author’s framing of the issue; contrasted with the stereotypical midlife crisis,
“the ‘midlife collision’; is something else. Experienced by midlife women more than their male counterparts, it’s a time in which there is a significant increase in the proportion of stressors. It’s also called ‘role overload,’ as professional women cope with a complex collision of care (children, siblings, partners, and parents), together with financial, work, and health issues (menopause or otherwise)—all of which have physical, mental, and emotional manifestations.”
As the author points out, the midlife collision eventually ends—after the storm, calm returns—and encourages employers to approach this phase of life with the flexibility it deserves.
Sweden: Where it's taboo for dads to skip parental leave (BBC)
I know it can seem like Sweden is a magical land where people actually care about supporting women, families, and young children, and the idea of recreating a similar culture in the US seems about as likely as commuting to the office on a rainbow-maned unicorn. But this article highlights the intentional policy decisions that the Swedish government has made with the specific intention of encouraging fathers’ engagement in child rearing and mothers’ return to the workforce.
After noticing that men weren’t taking advantage of the 30 reserved days for paternity leave, the Swedish government instituted a “use it or lose it” policy. If men didn’t take their allotted time off, it could not be transferred to their female partner. According to a recent survey 82% of Swedish men use some portion of their parental leave allowance. Good incentives work… we just have to care enough to implement them.
How to give constructive criticism without making it awkward (The Cut)
I would say that at least 75% of my clients want to talk about how to give feedback to someone at work at some point during their coaching engagement. I get it—giving feedback that strikes the right tone for the situation is difficult and often uncomfortable (for both parties). This article offers practical advice for navigating these conversations.
I can’t stop thinking about the people in Alabama who lost their embryos (Romper)
Like many of you, I can’t stop thinking about the recent Alabama Supreme Court decision ruling that frozen embryos are children. I’ve shared before that my daughter was conceived via IVF, and my heart breaks for all of the families in Alabama who have had to pause fertility treatments and cope with another layer of loss and anxiety during the already hellish nightmare of infertility. (I’m also concerned for what this ruling means for women in America, as a whole).
At the same time, I’ve seen several social media posts filled with casual and overly reductive rhetoric that dismisses the very real pain that the families who filed the lawsuit are feeling. I found myself nodding along to every line in this very sincere article that explores the complexity of experiences for all involved.
Why more American women could be forced to get c-sections (Elle)
Written before the Alabama ruling, this is a well-researched and nuanced article about the implications of bodily autonomy for pregnant women in a post-Roe world. Reporter Alex Ronan specifically looks at cases where women are coerced into having a c-section because there is a conflict between their desire for a vaginal birth and the risk that presents to mother and baby. There are many layers to this issue, and I encourage you to read the full article, but I found this paragraph particularly chilling:
“Obstetricians and lawyers who identify as ‘pro-life’ are more likely to believe in court-ordered C-sections than those who don’t identify as such, according to a 2007 study. Fifty to approximately 70 percent of ‘pro-life’ respondents rated themselves as ‘highly likely’ to use a court order across a variety of scenarios. Even in a situation where the pregnant woman has a medical condition that would make the C-section 10 times more deadly to her than the national average patient, nearly 30 percent of pro-life respondents were ‘highly likely’ to seek a court order—willing to risk the pregnant patient’s life in order to potentially save her fetus.”
Connect
Back when my son was a toddler, a friend of mine joked, “only make friends with people whose kids are older than yours. They’ll never judge you, because they’ve seen it all already.”
Though it’s always easiest (and incredibly valuable) to connect with parents of same-aged peers—you’re in the same spaces, going through the same transitions—I often find myself really appreciating my friendships with moms who are about 7-12 years ahead of me in their parenting journey. They don’t always have the answers, but they do have perspective and experience that I find so useful. This month think about connecting in with friends whose kids are older than yours and see what helpful reframes/perspectives they can provide you.
Reflect
Earlier this month, I was coaching a client who was recently promoted to a C-suite position for the first time in her career. Like so many new executives, she was putting tremendous pressure on herself to have all the answers and get everything “right”. In fact, she was so focused on appearing to have it all under control, that she was inadvertently alienating her team members.
We talked about the importance of cultivating trust through authentic relationships with her colleagues. Even if you aren’t an executive, I would encourage you to reflect on the following questions:
What are the key relationships you’d like to intentionally focus on the next three months?
What do these relationships require from you?
What will help these relationships thrive?
Who are your role models for relationship-building? What can you learn from them?
