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Frankie Ciambotti's avatar

Parenting teens reshapes you—it's exhausting, humbling, and beautifully complex!

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Glenn Cook's avatar

I read all of your work, but this one in particular resonated with me. Given that my kids are in their late 20s and early 30s and two of the four have become parents, I'm truly surprised that we survived it all.

A few things to share from someone who made it to the other side:

• Moving from the "lift, tuck, separate, survive" phase to the "all you can eat activity buffet" phase is a huge challenge for all involved. It is especially important for couples during this period to take some "we" time together, because it is super easy to become consumed with getting everyone from point A to point B and point C.

• A psychiatrist who worked with our oldest daughter once said, "When they become teenagers, subtract 10 in terms of emotional IQ. Once they hit 20, add the 10 back in." It was helpful then as we dealt with teens, and his wise words have been affirmed many times over.

• I loved the Self piece and the emphasis it placed on the nurturing of siblings relationships. The smartest thing I ever did with my children was, at the start of their senior year, sit them down individually for the "talk." (Obviously, not that talk).

The basics: As parents, we pledged to raise them until they graduated from high school and provide them with what they needed (food, shelter, education, enrichment when possible, basic how to be a human stuff) to be prepared to be decent adults. Once they graduate, however, everything we do becomes a choice. We are "required" to do nothing. They are responsible for nurturing relationships with us and with their siblings and not leaving the burden to Jill and me. They are responsible for reaching out to us when they truly need (not necessarily want) something. Fortunately, I'm happy to report they have all stepped up.

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