Thriving at home and work: How positive psychology empowers working parents

or, an interview with Liana Slater of Monumental Me

I met Liana Slater when she interviewed me for her podcast about working parents (give it a listen here!) It’s always wonderful to connect with a colleague who gets it—gets what it’s like to manage the insanity of working motherhood, gets what it’s like to want to maximize the time you get with your kids, and gets what it’s like to leverage the skills you’ve used in both domains to be better in all of your various roles.

Liana is co-founder of Monumental Me and Constructing Confidence, and she holds an MBA  from INSEAD Business School and trained with Hyper Island executive education. Building on her experience as an early Google executive she evolved into a “learning leader” currently focused on developing and implementing well-being and thought leadership programs for companies. She is also the producer and host of the award-winning The Mindshare Podcast, and co-founder of the Women in Business Alumni Club for her alma mater. Her approach to Constructing Confidence is set in action by her sons Jackson and Sam. 

JW: Your work is framed through the lens of positive psychology. Can you briefly describe why this approach is so helpful for working parents?

LS: Working parents often face stress and exhaustion from juggling an ambitious career and a demanding family life. Monumental Me and The Positivity Toolbox provide valuable resources for parents seeking to thrive in all aspects of their lives. Positivity is a science-backed tool we can develop and lean into. When we experience positive emotions, we’re better problem-solvers, we make better decisions, and we’re able to be more resilient and maintain our self-confidence.

I believe that everyone can have an impact on their own positivity and wellbeing through effort, learning, and persistence. Some examples of behaviors that enhance positivity include being intentional with relationships and interactions with others, expressing gratitude in a meaningful way, seeking and offering support when needed, and more.

To elaborate, positive psychology is helpful for working parents because it focuses on identifying and leveraging one’s Strengths, offers guidance on building Wellbeing through activities and behaviors that have been proven to create a sense of happiness, enables people to identify Meaning & Purpose, and emphasizes the importance of Positive Relationships and strong social connections.

JW: What are some of the biggest myths about positive psychology?

Often people misunderstand and think that positive psychology is telling them, “Just Be Happy” or to ignore negativity. Not true! Positive psychology is about cultivating positive emotions, but it acknowledges the importance of dealing with negativity and adversity by developing coping mechanisms and resilience to navigate challenges effectively. People also often mistaken believe that positive psychology is just for individuals, but the principals of positive psychology can be applied at the family and community levels, too, to create a more positive and supportive environment for everyone.

JW: One of the things we talk a lot about in this newsletter—that I know is also important to you—are the transferable skills and tools that can be used in both the workplace and at home. Can you highlight a few of these skills and tools that have been particularly useful to you in your career?

I can explain this best by elaborating on why we created The Positivity Toolbox and why I think it is of particular interest to working parents. 

The Positivity Toolbox program is a collection of activities we have designed to develop the 12 evidence-based behaviors known to enhance our feelings of positivity. Most of the skills that have been proven to increase happiness, a key driver of positivity, are particularly useful to help people flourish in work. 

A few examples include: 

• Related to Strengths: we explore how adults and kids can build self-awareness, and minimize social comparison, to understand what works for you, not who you think should be at work. 

• Related to Wellbeing: we share activities to create habits around taking care of your body or self-care. We also explore cultivating gratitude, mindfulness, and optimism, which have all been shown to improve overall wellbeing, but may be difficult to integrate into one's life.

• Related to Meaning & Purpose: we help people reflect on their values as individuals, and as a family, to tailor the exercises to what works best for them. This translates to workplace wellbeing by defining goals and creating a clear path.   

• Related to Positive Relationships at home and at work: we dig into nurturing relationships. Relationships are key to a successful career and to successful parenting and co-parenting.  This is a learned skill for many and requires being intentional and mindful around managing one’s relationships. 

Essentially, I recommend people of all ages embrace a growth mindset. A growth mindset is a belief that your abilities and intelligence are not fixed but can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Our Positivity Toolbox describes specific ways to develop and practice healthy habits of mind to increase your own sense of positivity and optimism in life.

JW: What are some small, manageable steps that working parents can take to start incorporating positive psychology into their routines?

LS: Taking care of your mind and body in small and impactful ways is the best place to start. Prioritize your mental and physical health and set realistic goals for yourself that align with your strengths and priorities.

One way to start is to take breaks throughout your day, and make sure you make this clear to your family and your work colleagues. It is important to establish healthy breaks and expectations as well as model this behavior for your children as well.  My favorite activity is establishing a short daily meditation practice, but really… this is all easier said than done! We can provide help to set yourself up to develop positive habits in these areas by defining specific behaviors to establish habits and to incorporate positivity into your life.

JW: Similarly, what are some tangible suggestions for how readers can apply positive psychology principles in the workplace?

LS: I like to focus on nurturing relationships in the workplace because it is so important to career success as well as one’s sense of wellbeing. Be intentional about your work relationships, identify individuals in your circle of influence and how you might serve one-another. Some easy principals one can apply include: 

• Express sincere gratitude to a deserving colleague, employee or manager. 

• Practice active listening, pay attention to what your colleagues are saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Show genuine interest in their perspectives.

• Offer support & help, and ask for help when needed. 

• Celebrate successes, acknowledge and celebrate the accomplishments of your team and colleagues.

JW: You talk a lot about how important it is to model behavior to help our kids thrive (e.g., reduce overwhelm, improve time management, eliminate guilt), but this can be easier said than done. What suggestions do you have for busy parents to manage their own well-being?

LS: Jessica, I think you said this best yourself when we spoke for the podcast about the mental load of a parent and how one’s partner and/or family members can support one another at home. This can be through thoughtful sharing of responsibilities, planning, and strong communication. The best thing we can do to set ourselves AND our kids up for success is to model asking and expecting help and participation in all aspects of home life. Once we let go of the feeling we need to do it all, we are much closer to reducing a sense of overwhelm and eliminating guilt. Complementing this with learning excellent time-management skills sets us up for success!  

Lightning Round

Best book you've read lately... “How to Tell a Story: The Essential Guide to Memorable Storytelling from The Moth,” by Meg Bowles, Catherine Burns, Jenifer Hixson

Favorite family tradition… Making Gingerbread houses with my kids every year during the holidays, keeping it simple by using graham crackers, store-bought candy & melted sugar to glue it together. It’s enjoying a low-stress, high-fun process that counts, not expecting a picture-perfect result. Today my teenagers still love making them and creating their own decorations.   

Most interesting place you've ever had to take a work call… Tuolumne Meadows, Yosemite National Park, California, at an elevation of 8,619 feet.

Best piece of advice for working moms…Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

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