Wisdom from the village: Reader-sourced advice, straight from the trenches
Let’s be honest—being a working mother sometimes feels like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle. Just when you think you’ve got a rhythm, someone barfs all over their bed (this was my household a few weeks ago), a work deadline moves up, or you realize (too late) that today was "wear your pajamas to school" day.
That’s why I turned to the real experts: you. This edition of the newsletter is packed with reader-sourced wisdom—the hacks, mantras, and “why didn’t I think of that?!” tips that help make the chaos a little more manageable.
From navigating school drop-offs without losing your sanity to setting work-life boundaries that actually stick, consider this your go-to guide for working parent survival—straight from the trenches.
So grab your coffee (or reheat it for the third time), and let’s dive in!
The one tip that I use/try to remember at every parenting crossroad is the power of choice. When faced with opposition from my just-like-her-mother strong-willed tween daughter, I do my best to think of at least two different choices I can deal with/accept and present them to her so that she has the feeling is in control. As she matures, I'm also inviting her to contribute to the choice options to build her confidence in decision making.
Do it the night before- pack lunches, pick outfits, take food out of freezer for next night's dinner. Whatever it is, if I can do it after dinner and before bedtime, I try to! The mornings never go as planned & nothing is more soul-sucking than scrambling in morning with tired, frustrated kids and adults!
Recognizing the financial privilege I have when listing these, but I’m a busy attorney with a busier husband. I have a 3 and 5 yo. 2025 is my year of making things easier for myself. We have cleaners 2x/month and a family assistant 2x/week who makes the kids’ dinners, does their laundry and tidies their rooms and the playroom. I have a meal-planning schedule (eg, Monday is always pasta, Wednesday is always leftovers, etc.) and a laundry schedule (hots on Monday, whites on Wednesday, etc.), and I run the dishwasher every night. These steps have helped reduce decision fatigue and, therefore, my stress levels. I also buy a lot of premade food - we’re at Costco at least every other week and they have GREAT take-and-bakes. We also recently discovered Miss Linky on YouTube - she has workouts for kids - and we’ve been putting that one while we workout ourselves in the AM. Oh, and weekends are for movies - I will gladly let them watch a Disney flick if it means I can sit and read for 90 minutes.
1. Recognize you can't give 100% everywhere-- pick your percents, be ok with good enough, and be ready to shift your percents based on need.
2. Find your people-- the ones that support you and ground you and help you see when you're wrong.
3. Use your sick leave-- for yourself, especially. There is no resting after work, so take the time so you can parent after work.
4. Recognize it is f***ing hard-- it's the system we're in, not you failing.
Using a joint email address for all family-related things is a game-changer!! Before we got married, we made (momname)(dadname)@gmail.com and we use it for everything having to do with kids, travel, house, car, health, schools, etc. etc. etc. It is so easy these days to manage multiple email accounts on your phone (so this certainly doesn't replace your personal emails), and having a joint one ensures that we both see everything and we share the responsibility for replying. This one particular parenting "hack" has had a huge impact in terms of helping us be organized and efficient!
Create a shared Google calendar that all adults/parents/caregivers are responsible to update with things like camp schedules, doctor appointments, work travel, etc.
This is extremely small, but I use ChatGPT to make customized coloring book images based on exactly what my kids want to color and they think it's the coolest thing. It's a very easy and fast way to keep them entertained off a screen!
The best parenting advice I ever got was: ‘You don’t have to entertain your kids 24/7.’ It’s okay for them to be bored. That’s when creativity happens. Let them figure things out instead of swooping in to solve everything for them.
When my kids were little, I stressed over every detail—matching outfits, organic snacks, the ‘perfect’ bedtime routine. Now that they’re teenagers, I realize none of that mattered. What matters is the relationship. So I pick my battles. If my son wants to wear shorts in the winter? Fine. If my daughter’s room looks like a tornado hit? Not my problem. But if they lie to me or treat someone unkindly? That’s when I step in. Letting go of the small stuff has saved my sanity—and kept the lines of communication open.
My husband and I instituted a ‘no kid talk’ rule after 9 p.m. Otherwise, every conversation is just logistics. Sometimes we watch a dumb TV show together. Sometimes we just sit next to each other in silence. But that space—where we’re just us—keeps us strong.
I got tired of finding 15 half-full water glasses around the house. Now, everyone has one color-coded cup, plate, and bowl. If my 7-year-old wants water? He finds his blue cup. If my husband ‘forgets’ and grabs another one? He gets the look. Fewer dishes, less clutter, and no more mystery cups.
Rather than trying out more time hacks, I found the book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals to be a refreshing and totally mind blowing approach of actually letting go of some of the insanity, instead of trying to cram more and be more efficient with our already overstuffed days and minds.
Cook pot loads of food on the weekend and freeze for use on weekdays. Maybe a newborn baby time hack, but 7 years into first baby and 4 of second baby, this has saved us so much time and energy having to not figure out what to put on the table each night. Same food everyday is good, just having food everyday is a blessing!
Timers are such an easy way to help kids out of things they don't want to stop doing like watch TV.
This is basic basic basic, but we have a *physical* shared calendar hanging in the dining room/kitchen area that we *assiduously* update with our movements, family visits, holidays, events, etc. Putting something on the calendar makes it "feel real" and we can use it to check when one of us is out in the evening and can't do pickup, etc. We have used a shared google calendar for years, but something about the physical calendar really helps us now that we're parents. (We have one six-year-old.)
I bought the Skylight calendar which has many helpful features, but the most helpful has been the “Chores” section. If there is anything I need the kids to participate in, from their morning checklist (brush teeth, etc.), daily chores, weekly chores, and random things they need to remember (wear red for Valentine’s Day, bring boots, make a birthday card for so-and-so, etc.), I just add it to that list. The kids check it several times a day ad it vastly cuts down on me having to bear more of the mental load with constant reminders and it’s decreased some of the small things falling through the cracks. It also has a “Meals” section so my husband can just tap it and see what he should start if he gets home first.
Taking time for yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to your kid, whether it's not feeling guilty that you put your child in full time day care at 3 months and went back to work (I did), or bottle feeding, or you are taking a bath and doing some yoga. You will be a better parent if you're in a better mood and not burned out. Plus, you set a great example to them as prioritizing your own time and space and life. It doesn't mean you don't love them - it means you love yourself, and that is a very important lesson to teach our kids.
When your child is angry or upset about something and they're too in their feelings to step out of it anytime soon, try to draw their attention to something else. Don't dig in your heels. Try to point out something really really funny. Make a fart joke. Perhaps even just fart if you can.
It help to validate feelings, even if there's no solution. From a banged elbow to being mad you have to clean up your room, validate those feelings of hurt or boredom or injustice (“I have to clean my room. You are the worst mom everrrr”). But if you validate this ("I know, I used to loathe cleaning my room and I still loathe having to clean it as an adult"), it is a balm and also helps build more a of a bond with your child.
Ask for help! Hire a babysitter to help after school/utilize aftercare if available (no mom guilt allowed).
What did we miss? Feel free to add your best advice in the comments!
Read
Welcome to the preschool plague years (The New Yorker) Every single one of you will be able to relate to this!
The invisible & emotional (& deeply sentimental) labor of kids clothes (Romper) This one is for everyone else who’s rotating in the spring clothes this week 🙋♀️
I experienced the motherhood penalty. But parenthood made me a better leader (Fast Company) Here’s some cool news: I was recently tapped to write a regular column for Fast Company! This is my first column.
This was excellent. I say you make this a regular 2x a year series! And, SO excited about the Fast Company column! You are perfect for it!
I cannot tell you how much I needed this today. Thank you.