"...he picked flowers (well, flowering weeds) for me ahead of time and wanted to wear matching orange outfits." I cannot even. (And I need to know: did you wear the matching outfits?!)
I am pretty good at "small things, often" with my kids -- I write them notes all the time and tuck them into their backpacks or snack bags as a surprise later in the day. When I buy used books (which is like, at least once a week), I frequently get a title I know they're interested in and leave it on their pillows for them to find when they come home from school/daycare. When I travel, I figure out a way to leave behind something that reminds them of my love -- a photo of us together on their placemats at our dinner table, a little drawing on an index card next to each of their toothbrushes in the bathroom. (I also always FaceTime them to show them my hotel room and the view out my window, which they never get tired of?, and I bring home my key cards, which they use to "play hotel.") I try to surprise them whenever I can -- this past Tuesday, at 7am, we went out for quiche at our local coffee shop and then to our favorite local park before going our separate ways for the day; sometimes I'll suggest we have a "porch picnic" for dinner, which is just us taking our meal outside and sitting on our front porch to eat it; little things like this that take only a little effort.
It's much harder for me in my marriage. Learning our love languages a billion years ago, when we were in our 20s and had no idea how to be functionally together, much less good partners to one another, helped immensely, but I've also found that over the years, those have changed in subtle ways, without either of us updating or changing our approach -- so even though it's still useful information, it has also become kind of a rut. (I wouldn't say that we are in a situation where my husband is posting gushing messages about me on social media while not helping with the kids on weekend afternoons -- which feels like missing the mark by a woefully wide margin -- but more like, since I know my husband's love language is physical touch I will just make sure to hug him every day, without being all that creative about other ways to meet that need, if that makes any sense.) This has given me a lot to think about!
I am the boss of a small non-profit where I work with older women. They generally seem to appreciate praise in the form of verbal and written acknowledgements, but they really like autonomy to get their work done. I have learned a lot in my eight years running that place and it has made me a better person.
Small things, often, in my marriage: Whoever is up first and makes the coffee (used to be partner, now is me) is not the person cajoling children out of bed, so they set the other person's preferred mug next to the coffeepot, spoon, cream, and sugar bowl. It's nice to feel thought-of first thing in the morning.
"...he picked flowers (well, flowering weeds) for me ahead of time and wanted to wear matching orange outfits." I cannot even. (And I need to know: did you wear the matching outfits?!)
I am pretty good at "small things, often" with my kids -- I write them notes all the time and tuck them into their backpacks or snack bags as a surprise later in the day. When I buy used books (which is like, at least once a week), I frequently get a title I know they're interested in and leave it on their pillows for them to find when they come home from school/daycare. When I travel, I figure out a way to leave behind something that reminds them of my love -- a photo of us together on their placemats at our dinner table, a little drawing on an index card next to each of their toothbrushes in the bathroom. (I also always FaceTime them to show them my hotel room and the view out my window, which they never get tired of?, and I bring home my key cards, which they use to "play hotel.") I try to surprise them whenever I can -- this past Tuesday, at 7am, we went out for quiche at our local coffee shop and then to our favorite local park before going our separate ways for the day; sometimes I'll suggest we have a "porch picnic" for dinner, which is just us taking our meal outside and sitting on our front porch to eat it; little things like this that take only a little effort.
It's much harder for me in my marriage. Learning our love languages a billion years ago, when we were in our 20s and had no idea how to be functionally together, much less good partners to one another, helped immensely, but I've also found that over the years, those have changed in subtle ways, without either of us updating or changing our approach -- so even though it's still useful information, it has also become kind of a rut. (I wouldn't say that we are in a situation where my husband is posting gushing messages about me on social media while not helping with the kids on weekend afternoons -- which feels like missing the mark by a woefully wide margin -- but more like, since I know my husband's love language is physical touch I will just make sure to hug him every day, without being all that creative about other ways to meet that need, if that makes any sense.) This has given me a lot to think about!
I am the boss of a small non-profit where I work with older women. They generally seem to appreciate praise in the form of verbal and written acknowledgements, but they really like autonomy to get their work done. I have learned a lot in my eight years running that place and it has made me a better person.
Small things, often, in my marriage: Whoever is up first and makes the coffee (used to be partner, now is me) is not the person cajoling children out of bed, so they set the other person's preferred mug next to the coffeepot, spoon, cream, and sugar bowl. It's nice to feel thought-of first thing in the morning.