Great interview, Jessica. This absence of entitlement that Caitlyn talks about is so relatable to me, as someone who grew up in a different culture. In India, I don’t believe we have expectations of government support but what we have instead is the village - there is an expectation that the village (your mother, your grandmother, your aunts, your siblings, your cousins, your sisters in law, your neighbors, your dad’s retired female colleague and your neighbor’s aunt’s cousin who just happens to be visiting :-)) will all come together to hold you up through the first few months of intense newborn parenting. Much of my first year as a parent in America, shorn of my village, was spent alternating between shock and horror with the constraint refrain going through my head: “am I really expected to do all of this BY MYSELF ?!?!”. But this is also a thought that was never comfortable to say out loud, because most other mothers I knew were in the same boat. There is a better, gentler way - but I feel like that requires a complete reorganization of this society, which may not be possible given that society after all reflects the accumulated choices and preferences of the people who compose it.
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective, Divya. It must be very powerful to have a community of women (although, it must be pointed out that it’s only women) surround a new mom. I completely understand why that felt like such a loss.
Taking this broader, international perspective is so important because then we realize IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!
This article finds me in a good place as a first time dad. My company me 4 weeks of bonding leave. While that was not nearly enough time, I was so grateful because I found out a lot of men where I was raising my child had no leave at all. A friend of mine just had a baby and he had only 5 vacation days to use to spend time with his new child.
I don’t know if this is a reach but historically it seems America doesn’t care about its children. A system ruled by men, who can’t have children, make laws and police’s that impact those who have children. This article underscores the fact that change really must come from the top. Families can not prioritize raising their children if they have to fear how will they provide for them. Thank you for sharing this.
Great interview, Jessica. This absence of entitlement that Caitlyn talks about is so relatable to me, as someone who grew up in a different culture. In India, I don’t believe we have expectations of government support but what we have instead is the village - there is an expectation that the village (your mother, your grandmother, your aunts, your siblings, your cousins, your sisters in law, your neighbors, your dad’s retired female colleague and your neighbor’s aunt’s cousin who just happens to be visiting :-)) will all come together to hold you up through the first few months of intense newborn parenting. Much of my first year as a parent in America, shorn of my village, was spent alternating between shock and horror with the constraint refrain going through my head: “am I really expected to do all of this BY MYSELF ?!?!”. But this is also a thought that was never comfortable to say out loud, because most other mothers I knew were in the same boat. There is a better, gentler way - but I feel like that requires a complete reorganization of this society, which may not be possible given that society after all reflects the accumulated choices and preferences of the people who compose it.
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective, Divya. It must be very powerful to have a community of women (although, it must be pointed out that it’s only women) surround a new mom. I completely understand why that felt like such a loss.
Taking this broader, international perspective is so important because then we realize IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!
This article finds me in a good place as a first time dad. My company me 4 weeks of bonding leave. While that was not nearly enough time, I was so grateful because I found out a lot of men where I was raising my child had no leave at all. A friend of mine just had a baby and he had only 5 vacation days to use to spend time with his new child.
I don’t know if this is a reach but historically it seems America doesn’t care about its children. A system ruled by men, who can’t have children, make laws and police’s that impact those who have children. This article underscores the fact that change really must come from the top. Families can not prioritize raising their children if they have to fear how will they provide for them. Thank you for sharing this.
You’re so right. Our societal undervaluing of children is tied to our undervaluing of parenting.
On a happier note, congrats on your new baby and welcome to fatherhood!
Thank you Jessica!
Added the book to my library list immediately - loved this interview, Jessica!
I hope you enjoy it!