Why you're procrastinating... and what do to about it

or, the art and science of getting sh*t done

I’m taking next week off from newsletter-writing, but will be back with Read-Connect-Reflect on Feb. 29th. See you then!

I need to transfer one of my retirement account to a different bank. I’ve had the necessary paperwork sitting on my desk since September. And, yet, it’s now February and I still haven’t done it. 😬

I’m really not a habitual procrastinator (checking things off my to-do list gives me more joy than I should probably admit), but—still—there are things that need to get done that I just don’t want to do. And I would imagine that the same is true for you. So today I want to talk about task avoidance and what to do about it.

I could write an article about creating a better to-do list or using the ‘pomodoro method’ or the benefit of false deadlines, but those are largely bandaid fixes. Plus, you don’t need me to rehash hacks that you can easily google yourselves. Instead, I want to dig deeper (as is my typical MO) and explore what’s driving you to procrastinate. I’m a big believer that self-knowledge leads to better solutions.

Why you’re procrastinating

You’re waiting for motivation to strike

We’ve all been there. We see the item staring up at us from our to-do list, but we just don’t feel like it, so we tell ourselves, “I’ll wait until later, when I’m in the mood.” But what if “the mood” never strikes (as is often the case with undesirable tasks)?

It turns out, we are much better off if we just jump in at do it. See, once we begin a task, we are inherently gratified by the progress we’re making, thus increasing our sense of self-efficacy. High levels of self-efficacy—defined as the belief in our own competence to execute specific behaviors—are correlated with greater levels of intrinsic motivation. In short, productive action actually spurs motivation, which in turn leads to more action.

What to do: Break the task into smaller sub-tasks. The success of accomplishing the first sub-task can spur motivation to complete the rest.

You have unrealistic expectations of productivity

I once had a client who was an Ivy League-educated attorney who was convinced she was inefficient and lazy. Despite the fact that she had all of the external markings of success and even co-founded her own law firm, she berated herself for not optimizing every minute of her day. She was convinced that others had “mastered” the art of productivity and she was failing.

This narrative is both untrue and unhelpful. According to psychologist David Burns, “If you think that life should be easy and that other people don’t have to struggle, you will conclude that something is ‘wrong’ and give up when things get tough. You’ll have such a low tolerance for frustration that any disappointment will be unbearable.” Recognizing that everyone struggles with procrastination at times can stop demotivating narratives about our perceived incompetency.

What do to: Pay attention to the unhelpful stories you’re telling yourself about your own productivity and begin to consider crafting a more balanced narrative. For example, “Hyper-productivity isn’t sustainable (or even desirable)”, or “Rest can be productive, too”. Also, pay attention to where these messages are coming from—some of them may be deeply embedded from childhood or earlier in your career, but if you’re following people on social media who are reinforcing these messages, consider unfollowing them.

Perfectionism and the fear of failure

I’ve shared this story before, but I previously coached a woman (let’s call her Caroline) who was so frustrated by her direct report, Rishi. Though his work was very strong, Rishi was consistently missing deadlines.  Caroline was irritated by what she originally interpreted as Rishi’s lack of drive and focus.

I encouraged her to take a more reflective stance and ask Rishi what was getting in his way of completing work on time. She was surprised to hear that Rishi was struggling with paralyzing perfectionism; he would write and rewrite reports several times, often obsessing over small details, thus resulting in an overdue product. 

It’s not news that high-achieving people are often perfectionists. When we put immense pressure on ourselves, the stress and anxiety can become overwhelming, so we do what makes the bad feelings abate—we avoid the unpleasant stimuli. The problem, of course, is that the avoidance begets further stress and anxiety, leading to a highly unproductive shame cycle.

What to do: When this starts to happen, it can be a good time to pause and reflect on some of the unhelpful thinking patterns you’re engaging in. For example, perfectionists frequently fall prey to polarized thinking, jumping to conclusions, and “should” statements. Once you recognize the underlying cognitive distortions at play, you can begin to set more realistic expectations for yourself using some of the strategies discussed here. Therapy and coaching can both be helpful venues for exploring—and reconsidering—toxic perfectionism.

You’re trying to avoid conflict

You know how this story goes… You committed to something—maybe out of a sense of obligation, guilt, or optimism—and it turns out you don’t actually want to do it. So, instead of owning up to your lack of interest, you just keep putting it off. This is a mistake! We think we’re preserving the relationship by saying “yes”, but instead we’re creating a situation in which the other person will be disappointed or frustrated by our lack of action.

What to do: Rip off the bandaid and be honest. I had a client who volunteered to help the PTO make decorations for her kid’s 5th grade dance. She was in the middle of a huge client project at work that had her working late nights, and she just couldn’t motivate herself to cut out construction paper hearts when she got home. She knew she had to pull out, but the head of the PTO was a woman she found abrasive, and she wanted to avoid a fight.

In these situations, being direct is almost always the best strategy. Because she didn’t want to leave the rest of the committee hanging, she found a replacement to serve in her stead. Her conversation with the PTO head was straightforward and painless.

Moving forward, remember—though saying “no” might be awkward or uncomfortable in the moment, it’s better than the inevitable feelings of anger, resentment, and irritation that come when we agree to do something we didn’t want to do in the first place.

You just don’t want to do it

Listen, there are all things we don’t want to do. And here’s the good news—maybe you don’t actually have to do it! If you’ve committed to something but the motivation just isn’t there, ask yourself:

• “Who am I doing this for?”

• “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I should?”

• “What are the consequences of not doing this?”

What do to: If you decide that the activity/task/etc. doesn’t serve you, and you can live with the repercussions of not doing it, then this is your official permission slip to not do it.

Postscript

In the process of drafting this article, I decided it was time to finally open this new retirement account. In my case, my procrastination fell into the first category—I kept waiting to be motivated, but months had gone by and I still hadn’t done it. I took my own advice and broke it into smaller tasks (call the new bank to get their paperwork, fill out the paperwork, mail it in). Guess what? It was pretty painless—and I found that I kept gaining momentum with each smaller task I crossed off. Let this be the gentle push you need to cross off that task you’ve been delaying for too long.

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