Read No, you can’t just ask your wife to make a list (CNN) If you are a woman in a heterosexual relationship, do yourself a favor and forward this article to your partner. The tone is nonthreatening, but the message is clear—if you’re asking your wife to help you in “helping out”, you’re not actually that helpful!
Can I offer an alternative perspective on a list? I've got a high-travel job so am not physically present all the time, meaning that my husband does a higher share of the actual business of childcare. I tend to do the long-term strategising/planning and my husband does much of the doing (calling people, paying things, which I HATE). We joke brains versus brawns, but his contribution is way more substantive than the "I mow the lawn, I take out the bins..." trope.
I give him a list of 5 things, and voila, 2 days later, they are done. An added advantage, because he's the one chosing school lunches, doing the camp registration, etc, he's more engaged in the process + people call him before they call me, etc. I'm out and about more, so he puts things on my "errands" list for me to do.
I think the list is helpful if a) you have a relatively equitable division of labour and b) have a reliable co-parent who you can count on to do the important stuff on the list.
We also have a morning division of labour - he is responsible for preparation (snacks, dressing, toothbrushing) and I'm responsible for the delivery of the kid to school. I come downstairs when it's time to get on our bikes and cycle to school.
This is such a valuable perspective, Coree, thanks for sharing it. When I read this, I thought "she doesn't have a list, she has a *system*!" And it sounds like it's very successful for you. I think you're right when you list the two conditions of success--not having to micromanage your spouse to ensure he's completed the list is key!
It is true, it’s much more of a life system than a list system! It’s taken a lot of work and conversations to get to this point but it feels like we are at a really happy sustainable point.
It also helps that each of us thinks the other has the harder job. My husband would hate to travel so frequently, I’d hate to do all those mornings!
Jessica, as always thanks for sharing these thought-provoking articles and the hilarious comic about Santa. I immediately copied and pasted the reflection exercise into my Resolutions Google Doc, which is a running list of my resolutions since 2006. I love to do a reflection exercise at the end of each year and your questions are a great addition. Thank you.
Can I offer an alternative perspective on a list? I've got a high-travel job so am not physically present all the time, meaning that my husband does a higher share of the actual business of childcare. I tend to do the long-term strategising/planning and my husband does much of the doing (calling people, paying things, which I HATE). We joke brains versus brawns, but his contribution is way more substantive than the "I mow the lawn, I take out the bins..." trope.
I give him a list of 5 things, and voila, 2 days later, they are done. An added advantage, because he's the one chosing school lunches, doing the camp registration, etc, he's more engaged in the process + people call him before they call me, etc. I'm out and about more, so he puts things on my "errands" list for me to do.
I think the list is helpful if a) you have a relatively equitable division of labour and b) have a reliable co-parent who you can count on to do the important stuff on the list.
We also have a morning division of labour - he is responsible for preparation (snacks, dressing, toothbrushing) and I'm responsible for the delivery of the kid to school. I come downstairs when it's time to get on our bikes and cycle to school.
This is such a valuable perspective, Coree, thanks for sharing it. When I read this, I thought "she doesn't have a list, she has a *system*!" And it sounds like it's very successful for you. I think you're right when you list the two conditions of success--not having to micromanage your spouse to ensure he's completed the list is key!
It is true, it’s much more of a life system than a list system! It’s taken a lot of work and conversations to get to this point but it feels like we are at a really happy sustainable point.
It also helps that each of us thinks the other has the harder job. My husband would hate to travel so frequently, I’d hate to do all those mornings!
Jessica, as always thanks for sharing these thought-provoking articles and the hilarious comic about Santa. I immediately copied and pasted the reflection exercise into my Resolutions Google Doc, which is a running list of my resolutions since 2006. I love to do a reflection exercise at the end of each year and your questions are a great addition. Thank you.